Excerpt from the forthcoming book:

What Are True Partners?

If you Google the word “partners” or look in a dictionary (if you even own one anymore), you will find a variety of definitions, many of them legal. For the purposes of this book, we define “partnership” as a cooperative relationship between people or groups who agree to share responsibility in achieving a specific goal. For example, achieving effective social-emotional learning requires a partnership between the school, teacher, parent and student. Similarly, each Partners Inc. Core Committee works in partnership with all teachers, administrators, Partners Inc. staff, and the like.

Ideally, the length of the partnership between a school and the Partners Inc. staff is 3-5 years. This period supports development of a lasting difference, based in the belief of a shared vision and a commitment to invest in and cultivate the seeds of Partners Inc, until it matures into a systemic part of a school culture.

At the end of each year in the 3-5 year process, each partner will review the relationship, communicate fully, honestly and respectfully about the strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats (SWOT analysis) and make changes as desired or necessary. The only caveat is that neither partner “give up” because persistence builds resiliency and both are required in building lasting change in human systems.

This point cannot be understated: Partners Inc. is not a flash-in-the-pan, nor is it a silver bullet. It is a collaborative process that relies predominantly upon school administrators and Partners Inc. staff for leadership in the first year. During the second year and over time, Partners Inc. forms a relationship between all the players in a school both directly and though the Core Committee as the management/information system for Partners Inc. (See Role of the Core Committee).Thus, the process is owned and modified by the individual school every year.

And who are all the players? Simply put, every teacher, school administrator and staff, students, student leaders, parents, caregivers, community agencies and businesses around the school through the Parent/Teacher/Community Committee (PTCC).

Shoulder-to-shoulder, head-to-head, heart-to-heart, everyone commits to working together to implement the research-based practices known to create a more cohesive classroom and school community and teach students needed social-emotional skills. This includes the administration of a school, the Partners Inc. staff, and the teachers (at least 50% of whom must agree upfront that they want to undertake the Partners Inc. process in the first place).

Frequent opportunities for giving and receiving feedback are an essential ingredient in the Partners Inc. approach. Feedback allows colleagues to learn from one another and as a group, become “regularly connected to itself.” Consequently, the whole school comes to know how things are going from everyone’s point of view and what is needed next. Similarly, the Partners Inc. staff and Core Committee continually seek teachers’ perspective and other constituent views because they recognize such collaboration is an empowering, democratic process fostering confidence, open-mindedness, and willingness to try new things.

In a true partnership, all parties must believe in the benefits of the alliance. This does not assume every individual feels the same at any given time, but that majority and minority opinions are explored, respected and addressed. Differences are accepted and expected. It is this understanding and commitment to enlightened self-interest that inspires partners to develop innovative processes and structures for achieving greater understanding of their unique and common needs, expectations and goals in pursuit of improved school climate and greater achievement for all.

• One word which describes your job
• One thing you’d like to change about the world
• Something pleasant that happened to you in the last week
• A color that describes how you feel right now
• A characteristic that you look for in a friend
• Your favorite food
• A value you’d like to teach the world
• A famous person–living or dead–with whom you’d like to spend a day
• A book or movie you’d like to recommend
• One thing you’d like the group to know about you
• Something people would not ordinarily know about you just by looking
• An animal with which you identify
• If you had a million dollars, you would…
• If you could do it over again, you would…
• If you could be an historical figure, who would it be?  Why?
• An animal, flower, or color you would use to describe yourself
• One word that comes to your mind when you think of change
• One thing you’d like to see happen in this workshop today
• Attributes of a good friend (kind of the same as “A characteristic that you look for in a friend”)
• In a conflict, I usually…
• Something not everyone usually knows about you
• Something you’re good at (or that you’ve been doing lately) that ends in “-ing.” (examples: swimming, talking, etc…)
• Something that has changed your life in the last few months or year
• Something that makes you feel happy
• A strength you possess
• A time when you thought you were being taken advantage of and you stood up for yourself
• One of your most treasured possessions
• Something new- a “first” that you have experienced in the past year
• A strong feeling you have had in the past week, and some reasons for that feeling
• Something I like about my cultural/ethnic background is…
• A time I got something I wanted was when…
• I feel good about myself when…
• Something about me that usually doesn’t come up in conversation is…
• A hiding place you had as a child
• Something you have that you would fight for–even risk your life for–if someone tried to take it away (this can be a material thing or something intangible like someone’s reputation)
• If you saw a fight starting in the street between two people you didn’t know at all, what would you do?
• Say your whole name and positive adjectives that begin with the first letter of each word in your name (for example; George Frost, gorgeous, friendly) and that describe something about you
• Something positive you would like another person to say about you
• A time you helped out a friend or relative who needed some assistance

“If conflict were a color…”

Lay out an array of colored paper on the table or floor.  (Origami paper is especially good to use; you can get it at museums or art supply stores.)  Ask participants to choose a color of paper that represents “conflict” to them.  Say, “If conflict were a color, it would be…” and have them get up and pick out a piece of paper. Be sure to have lots of red, as that’s the color many people choose.

This same technique can be used with words other than conflict, such as “happiness.”  That is, “If happiness were a color, it would be…”  Ask participants to explain why they chose that color.

New and Good

Ask participants to think of something in their lives lately that has been new and good.  Very often people spend all their time thinking about the things in their lives that are not going well.  Meanwhile the beautiful and hopeful things that are also going on around us are unnoticed.  Focusing on something “new and good” is a way of bringing attention to those things.

A “new and good” can be anything- a good time with a friend or friends, a new idea, finishing a project for a class.  Model the activity for the group by speaking first.

Guess what’s in the box

Show a closed box or wrapped package to the group.  Going around the room, ask participants to guess what might be inside.  The guesses can be as wild or silly as they choose.  Reveal the object inside.  Ask a few volunteers how they came up with their guesses.

From Dealing with Differences: A training manual for young people & adults on intergroup relations, diversity, & multicultural education